Comments for A Difficult Life: Deirdre's Journal http://deirdremorrison.wordpress.com My journal, my life, my struggle Sat, 05 Jul 2008 23:54:14 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=MU Comment on About Me by Shona http://deirdremorrison.wordpress.com/about/#comment-78 Shona Fri, 06 Jun 2008 20:43:56 +0000 #comment-78 Please don't give up on Love, Deirdre. It's out there somewhere :) Please don’t give up on Love, Deirdre.

It’s out there somewhere :)

]]> Comment on The Last Time by deirdremorrison http://deirdremorrison.wordpress.com/2008/04/04/the-last-time/#comment-61 deirdremorrison Sat, 19 Apr 2008 18:38:10 +0000 http://deirdremorrison.wordpress.com/?p=16#comment-61 Debbie, Thank you for your comments. There is really little I could disagree with you about, and I appreciate your insights. See my current post; I didn't write it in response to your comments, but it is one that I have meant to post (about darkness and light) for some time, but just had not gotten around to doing so until now. I still disagree with you on the antidepressants, though :-) Deirdre Debbie,

Thank you for your comments. There is really little I could disagree with you about, and I appreciate your insights. See my current post; I didn’t write it in response to your comments, but it is one that I have meant to post (about darkness and light) for some time, but just had not gotten around to doing so until now.

I still disagree with you on the antidepressants, though :-)

Deirdre

]]> Comment on The Last Time by debbie http://deirdremorrison.wordpress.com/2008/04/04/the-last-time/#comment-59 debbie Sat, 05 Apr 2008 03:46:37 +0000 http://deirdremorrison.wordpress.com/?p=16#comment-59 I googled it too and it appears that the worst surgery would be if you were stage 3 or 4 cancer. Is this the case for you? The early stages appear to just involve removal of the affefcted area. That does not mean end of being a female and I wish you did not feel that way. Even if it's advanced, there is still hope of limiting the amount of area removed to get your illness under control. I am not certain of your situation, but I do want to offer hope. I had a hysterectomy and oopherectomy at age 37, which basically meant I lost all my internal female parts. I thought I might not ever be the same again, but I was. It was slow, and it was scary, but eventually I felt comfortable with the loss, and I was grateful for the pain that went away, and I became myself again. Point being, I am not you and cannot compare my experience to yours. But I can offer hope to you and ask that you, who writes so eloquently, might stop and consider that you can face this head on, you can do what you need to do to eradicate the VIN, and you can maintain your womanhood and female qualities and appeal and have love once again. When we are ill, we see things in black and white, at least I do. I cannot see the grey areas, which is generally where we will land. I make broad proclamations of my future, which rarely, if ever come true. You are doing the same thing. I am not discounting your pain, your situation, or your illness. But you need to rally yourself up to a point that will help you approach your challenges with some determination, tons of confidence, and mostly you need to feel that you have CONTROL over your life. That is what I sense is missing, and you need to find ways to make that feeling lessen. You may not be as independent as you once were, but you still control what you do and what you don't do and how you approach your life. Think about it. Loss of control equals weak and pitiful. Control of your life (even if it's significantly less than you once knew) equals instant confidence, more rational thinking, and better choices. You need to do whatever it takes to find a way to control that which you can control. I read your blog, you are defeated. Stop and recapture the confidence of the young woman who saw the bright future and had the crazy experiences and knew the love. That will happen again, but you gotta get there. I also would hope you consider antidepressants as they are not the enemy. Something has to break your pattern, and you are clearly depressed. That is not a judgement, please believe me. It is just very evident that you are so deep in the bowels of depression that you can't even see it. So please consider this if you are not doing something to help get you out of the black hole. You will be loved again. And, as far as your ex, let him go. I know loneliness, trust me I do. But no one, especially you, should have that rape (that's what it is) attached to your last experience with love. He needs to go, and until you let him go, you will be caught up in the fantasy of him and not have an opening for new possibilities. Do not tell me that a man who treated you as you described is worthy of any more thought. Forget him, he is poison to you. I wish you well, I sense things will turn for you, but you have to make a mind shift here - you can't stay this low. You can do it and that's not a ra-ra cheerleader phrase, it's the truth. I googled it too and it appears that the worst surgery would be if you were stage 3 or 4 cancer. Is this the case for you? The early stages appear to just involve removal of the affefcted area. That does not mean end of being a female and I wish you did not feel that way. Even if it’s advanced, there is still hope of limiting the amount of area removed to get your illness under control. I am not certain of your situation, but I do want to offer hope. I had a hysterectomy and oopherectomy at age 37, which basically meant I lost all my internal female parts. I thought I might not ever be the same again, but I was. It was slow, and it was scary, but eventually I felt comfortable with the loss, and I was grateful for the pain that went away, and I became myself again.

Point being, I am not you and cannot compare my experience to yours. But I can offer hope to you and ask that you, who writes so eloquently, might stop and consider that you can face this head on, you can do what you need to do to eradicate the VIN, and you can maintain your womanhood and female qualities and appeal and have love once again.

When we are ill, we see things in black and white, at least I do. I cannot see the grey areas, which is generally where we will land. I make broad proclamations of my future, which rarely, if ever come true. You are doing the same thing. I am not discounting your pain, your situation, or your illness. But you need to rally yourself up to a point that will help you approach your challenges with some determination, tons of confidence, and mostly you need to feel that you have CONTROL over your life. That is what I sense is missing, and you need to find ways to make that feeling lessen. You may not be as independent as you once were, but you still control what you do and what you don’t do and how you approach your life. Think about it. Loss of control equals weak and pitiful. Control of your life (even if it’s significantly less than you once knew) equals instant confidence, more rational thinking, and better choices.

You need to do whatever it takes to find a way to control that which you can control. I read your blog, you are defeated. Stop and recapture the confidence of the young woman who saw the bright future and had the crazy experiences and knew the love. That will happen again, but you gotta get there. I also would hope you consider antidepressants as they are not the enemy. Something has to break your pattern, and you are clearly depressed. That is not a judgement, please believe me. It is just very evident that you are so deep in the bowels of depression that you can’t even see it. So please consider this if you are not doing something to help get you out of the black hole.

You will be loved again. And, as far as your ex, let him go. I know loneliness, trust me I do. But no one, especially you, should have that rape (that’s what it is) attached to your last experience with love. He needs to go, and until you let him go, you will be caught up in the fantasy of him and not have an opening for new possibilities. Do not tell me that a man who treated you as you described is worthy of any more thought. Forget him, he is poison to you.

I wish you well, I sense things will turn for you, but you have to make a mind shift here - you can’t stay this low. You can do it and that’s not a ra-ra cheerleader phrase, it’s the truth.

]]> Comment on This World Is Too Cruel for Me by Kortneymf http://deirdremorrison.wordpress.com/2008/03/11/this-world-is-too-cruel-for-me/#comment-54 Kortneymf Mon, 24 Mar 2008 21:56:04 +0000 http://deirdremorrison.wordpress.com/?p=14#comment-54 nice work, man nice work, man

]]> Comment on Pre-Cancerous by sexnlovebites http://deirdremorrison.wordpress.com/2008/02/28/pre-cancerous/#comment-25 sexnlovebites Thu, 28 Feb 2008 21:46:19 +0000 http://deirdremorrison.wordpress.com/?p=12#comment-25 i'm so very sorry that you're going through this pain. if it helps a little to know, you are NOT alone. i'm also living with hpv, the kind that potentially can cause cervical cancer, and it freaks me out a lot sometimes. i've had past lovers who rejected me because they had never heard about it before. i thought i was being punished for even having a sexual life, but i've come to terms with it and accepted that no one is to blame, hpv is the most common sexually transmitted virus. so all i can do is to get regular pap smears, and keep in mind that if i'm honest and open with my future partners, i'll eventually find "the one" who will accept and love me for me, all my flaws and beauties. please don't lose hope. take care. i’m so very sorry that you’re going through this pain. if it helps a little to know, you are NOT alone. i’m also living with hpv, the kind that potentially can cause cervical cancer, and it freaks me out a lot sometimes. i’ve had past lovers who rejected me because they had never heard about it before. i thought i was being punished for even having a sexual life, but i’ve come to terms with it and accepted that no one is to blame, hpv is the most common sexually transmitted virus. so all i can do is to get regular pap smears, and keep in mind that if i’m honest and open with my future partners, i’ll eventually find “the one” who will accept and love me for me, all my flaws and beauties. please don’t lose hope. take care.

]]> Comment on I Have Been Altered Forever by deirdremorrison http://deirdremorrison.wordpress.com/2008/02/22/10/#comment-24 deirdremorrison Thu, 28 Feb 2008 21:01:30 +0000 http://deirdremorrison.wordpress.com/2008/02/22/10/#comment-24 {{{{{Marylou}}}}}} Thank you for your care and concern. I am so sorry for all the pain you have been through, and so sorry that your cancer is incurable. I am glad you have found friends; they mean the world at such a time. When I adopted my cats, I adopted them for life. They are mine for as long as they live; they are my children. I will have to find other ways to cope and survive; I would never dream of not having them with me. Their love is one of the very few things that hold me up and keep me going. I will be thinking of you, and sending you mental hugs. Thank you for caring, even in the midst of your pain. Deirdre {{{{{Marylou}}}}}}

Thank you for your care and concern. I am so sorry for all the pain you have been through, and so sorry that your cancer is incurable. I am glad you have found friends; they mean the world at such a time.

When I adopted my cats, I adopted them for life. They are mine for as long as they live; they are my children. I will have to find other ways to cope and survive; I would never dream of not having them with me. Their love is one of the very few things that hold me up and keep me going.

I will be thinking of you, and sending you mental hugs. Thank you for caring, even in the midst of your pain.

Deirdre

]]> Comment on About Me by bibomedia http://deirdremorrison.wordpress.com/about/#comment-23 bibomedia Wed, 27 Feb 2008 12:31:17 +0000 #comment-23 Have a nice day ! Have a nice day !

]]> Comment on I Have Been Altered Forever by may http://deirdremorrison.wordpress.com/2008/02/22/10/#comment-22 may Mon, 25 Feb 2008 02:44:55 +0000 http://deirdremorrison.wordpress.com/2008/02/22/10/#comment-22 Nice one! A very well-written post on anxiety attack. I've learnt more about it at http://www.attackanxiety.org. Great place to overcome those attacks. Nice one! A very well-written post on anxiety attack. I’ve learnt more about it at http://www.attackanxiety.org. Great place to overcome those attacks.

]]> Comment on I Have Been Altered Forever by Marylou http://deirdremorrison.wordpress.com/2008/02/22/10/#comment-19 Marylou Sun, 24 Feb 2008 02:10:37 +0000 http://deirdremorrison.wordpress.com/2008/02/22/10/#comment-19 I have lung cancer. It was found in January of 2007 and I went through 4 cycles of Chemo, and then surgery on June 21st. On January 2, 2008 I had another PET scan and the cancer is back. I am not cureable, but have been given a Chemo pill called Tarceva. It has a lot of bad side effects even worse than Chemo. Today, I gave my little grandson his 6th birthday party. It will probably be the last one I will be able to do. PLEASE.........no matter what you are going through, you are not alone. You are just a keyboard away. Email me, I will respond. Pour your heart out and let it go. I have gained several friends in the last year who have had cancer. They have been very supportive. Sometimes you do what you have to do. If you are looking for someone to share expenses, you may very well need to find new homes for your fur babies. I know that would be hard for you to do since I have cats too. But if that was the only thing standing between me and the help I needed, I would opt for the help. Life is hard! My life has been hard! No one should have to leave this life feeling such pain. The only thing that destresses me is music. Write me, I will respond. Marylou mlm50@aol.com I have lung cancer. It was found in January of 2007 and I went through 4 cycles of Chemo, and then surgery on June 21st.
On January 2, 2008 I had another PET scan and the cancer is back. I am not cureable, but have been given a Chemo pill called Tarceva. It has a lot of bad side effects even worse than Chemo.
Today, I gave my little grandson his 6th birthday party. It will probably be the last one I will be able to do.

PLEASE………no matter what you are going through, you are not alone. You are just a keyboard away. Email me, I will respond. Pour your heart out and let it go. I have gained several friends in the last year who have had cancer. They have been very supportive.

Sometimes you do what you have to do. If you are looking for someone to share expenses, you may very well need to find new homes for your fur babies. I know that would be hard for you to do since I have cats too. But if that was the only thing standing between me and the help I needed, I would opt for the help.

Life is hard! My life has been hard! No one should have to leave this life feeling such pain. The only thing that destresses me is music. Write me, I will respond.
Marylou
mlm50@aol.com

]]>