Posted in Journal, Life, Love, cats, suicide, tagged black cat tattoo, businesses popped up, cab driver, cats, change, dead businesses, dumps me, feeling safe, friend not allowed to speak to me, friends, I have lost hope, I want to move NOW, killing myself, landlord who will allow 11 cats, Love, mobius strips, no money, no place to hang windchimes, not my home, nothing left for me here, people in the streets, place the cats, plants, porch torn down, roller skating, they changed all the rules, trees, update will, urban nightmare, vines, vines gone, Virginia Creeper, wild place, wildflowers, windchimes, world unkind and not a place I can call home on 14 October, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
<!– @page { size: 8.5in 11in; margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } –>
14 October 2008
I can hardly believe my eyes, or myself. Everything is changing so rapidly that I can no longer manage the curves.
When I moved in here, a little over a year ago, I moved into a place that I [...]
Posted in Journal, Life, Love, tagged "Long Day's Journey Into Night", abandonment, adoptive home, alone, angry, antidepressants, bitter, break up, brother, cat piss, cats, Childrens' Services, drunken, emptiness, Erik Erikson, father, father ignored me, foster home, friends, friendship, hopeless, hurt, Katharine Hepburn, lesbian, lover, marriage was a joke, mother, no love between parents, not fine, not loved, overprotective without love, parents, permanence, photograph, pizza, psychiatric ward, scapegoat, tobacco, Trust vs. Mistrust, walking wound, wine, word games and puzzles, wounded on 4 August, 2008 | 2 Comments »
19 July 2008
I feel abandoned. I feel like I am on an island alone, floating without compass or map, directionless.
Today, a man who called yesterday about her daughter needing an apartment showed up with his wife and child. And she is a child; 21 years old. She is Lesbian, and heartbroken because [...]
Posted in Journal, Life, Love, cats, the medical profession, tagged animal abuse, bus, cars, cats, copays, depression, driving, friends, friendships, home energy assistance, Humane Society, insurance, Internet, kindness, litterboxes, loneliness, medical profession, poverty, rape, Reclast, Red Lobster, rheumatologist, voting on 4 March, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
4 March 2008
It’s raining again. A cold rain, slicing to the bone. Every Tuesday, every Friday, for weeks now it has been rain or snow. It chills me, entices me to lay down and sleep, forgetting the pain and fear in my life right now.
I thought I was going to have to [...]
Posted in Journal, Life, Love, cats, the medical profession, tagged aloneness, cancer, cats, debate, Googling, gynecologist, mutilation, poverty, precancerous, Reclast, rheumatologist, sedation, sexuality, suicidal thoughts, VIN, vulva on 28 February, 2008 | 1 Comment »
27 February 2008
What is precancerous? How can they tell something is pre cancerous? Isn’t it either cancerous or not?
Yesterday, I stood in the cold, snow falling, having stumbled off the bus to the news from my cell phone that indeed, I have a “precancerous condition”. That’s what the doctor said. “What [...]
Posted in Journal, Life, Love, tagged divorce, gas shut-off, HEAP, medication, mental illness on 4 February, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
28 January 2008
The process has begun.
We talked Saturday, and he managed to be reasonable up to a point before going off on me yet again. This is the way it always works. Well, that is not entirely true. Actually, it is rare that he can sit down and be a reasonable adult for [...]
Posted in Journal, Life, Love, tagged abuse, alcoholism, Colin Powell, divorce, English language, Happy Fairy, illness, mental illness, word misuse on 4 February, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
January 23, 2008
It is getting worse again. R. is arguing, baiting, yelling, accusing, demeaning, demanding, and generally pouring out a fount of negativity in my direction. I wonder how much longer I can take this ocean of emotional negativity.
I’m not using the word “abuse”. Make no mistake; it is abuse. But [...]
Posted in Journal, Life, Love, tagged divorce, Heath Ledger, poverty, suicide on 4 February, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
24 January 2008
There are times I think I cannot take any more of this, this being the verbiage hurled at me by my emotional wreck of a husband. But silence does not seem to make me feel better: yesterday, he did not speak to me at all, leaving in silence, and, by the [...]
