Posted in Journal, Life, Love, cats, suicide, tagged black cat tattoo, businesses popped up, cab driver, cats, change, dead businesses, dumps me, feeling safe, friend not allowed to speak to me, friends, I have lost hope, I want to move NOW, killing myself, landlord who will allow 11 cats, Love, mobius strips, no money, no place to hang windchimes, not my home, nothing left for me here, people in the streets, place the cats, plants, porch torn down, roller skating, they changed all the rules, trees, update will, urban nightmare, vines, vines gone, Virginia Creeper, wild place, wildflowers, windchimes, world unkind and not a place I can call home on 14 October, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
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14 October 2008
I can hardly believe my eyes, or myself. Everything is changing so rapidly that I can no longer manage the curves.
When I moved in here, a little over a year ago, I moved into a place that I [...]
Posted in Journal, Life, Love, tagged "Long Day's Journey Into Night", abandonment, adoptive home, alone, angry, antidepressants, bitter, break up, brother, cat piss, cats, Childrens' Services, drunken, emptiness, Erik Erikson, father, father ignored me, foster home, friends, friendship, hopeless, hurt, Katharine Hepburn, lesbian, lover, marriage was a joke, mother, no love between parents, not fine, not loved, overprotective without love, parents, permanence, photograph, pizza, psychiatric ward, scapegoat, tobacco, Trust vs. Mistrust, walking wound, wine, word games and puzzles, wounded on 4 August, 2008 | 2 Comments »
19 July 2008
I feel abandoned. I feel like I am on an island alone, floating without compass or map, directionless.
Today, a man who called yesterday about her daughter needing an apartment showed up with his wife and child. And she is a child; 21 years old. She is Lesbian, and heartbroken because [...]
Posted in Journal, Life, suicide, the medical profession, tagged "Apocalypse Now", "Donnie Darko", "Lost", "The System", .touching womeh inappropriately, 7 showed up, alcohol, apartment disaster, Arlo, asthma, blood clot, broken ankle, cast, change, convenience store, dilaudid, doctors, drunk, emergency room, exhaustion, falling, feeling suicidal, festival, giving myself a birthday party, gone into a darkness that does not hurt, grocery, harangued for not reporting him, hate this world, invited 32, landlord, leftover food, meltdown, neighbors ignore me, nothing lasts, one guy finally helps, ortho, physical therapy, rain, rotator cuff, screwed up sleep, separated husband, stroke, the medical profession, ultrasound, wants to get laid, window won't lock, x-rays on 15 July, 2008 | 3 Comments »
14 July 2008
Every day, in May and June, I felt suicidal. I even started planning for it. But then life got in the way, things had to be done, and by July 1st, I no longer felt that way.
But, nothing lasts forever. That’s been one of my thoughts lately. Nothing lasts [...]
Posted in Journal, Life, the medical profession, tagged "agree t0 use knowledge to help womeh", back to bed, media relations, student observerskk intubation, the medical profession, try tomorrow, Vercedm morphine, VIN on 23 May, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
23 May 2008
This awful thing In my life Is now over, and I still live somehow.
The worst was the waiting, and the trying desperately to get someone – anyone – to listen to my fears, my concerns, my needs. They didn’t care about those things. They said all they cared about was my [...]
Posted in Journal, Life, the medical profession, tagged allergies, anesthesia, asthma, bad teeth, cancer, choking anxiety, colonoscopy, deaf, dental surgery, endoscopy, hospital policy, intubation, Katie Couric, medical martyr, missed the bus, mutilation, pain, pills, police, postnasal drip, power, pre-operative, radiation, rules, spina bifida occulta, spinal anesthetic, swallowing anxiety, tonsillectomy, twilight state, vomiting, waking up during anesthesia, x-rays on 30 April, 2008 | Leave a Comment »
30 April 2008
I can’t stop trembling. I can’t stop crying. Everywhere I go, everyone I talk to, gets five minutes of peace before I break down.
Today was my pre-operative nightmare. I was handled by so many people I feel like I have disappeared. That is the way they make you feel: [...]
