Comments on: The Last Time http://deirdremorrison.wordpress.com/2008/04/04/the-last-time/ My journal, my life, my struggle Thu, 02 Oct 2008 21:53:13 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: deirdremorrison http://deirdremorrison.wordpress.com/2008/04/04/the-last-time/#comment-61 deirdremorrison Sat, 19 Apr 2008 18:38:10 +0000 http://deirdremorrison.wordpress.com/?p=16#comment-61 Debbie, Thank you for your comments. There is really little I could disagree with you about, and I appreciate your insights. See my current post; I didn't write it in response to your comments, but it is one that I have meant to post (about darkness and light) for some time, but just had not gotten around to doing so until now. I still disagree with you on the antidepressants, though :-) Deirdre Debbie,

Thank you for your comments. There is really little I could disagree with you about, and I appreciate your insights. See my current post; I didn’t write it in response to your comments, but it is one that I have meant to post (about darkness and light) for some time, but just had not gotten around to doing so until now.

I still disagree with you on the antidepressants, though :-)

Deirdre

]]> By: debbie http://deirdremorrison.wordpress.com/2008/04/04/the-last-time/#comment-59 debbie Sat, 05 Apr 2008 03:46:37 +0000 http://deirdremorrison.wordpress.com/?p=16#comment-59 I googled it too and it appears that the worst surgery would be if you were stage 3 or 4 cancer. Is this the case for you? The early stages appear to just involve removal of the affefcted area. That does not mean end of being a female and I wish you did not feel that way. Even if it's advanced, there is still hope of limiting the amount of area removed to get your illness under control. I am not certain of your situation, but I do want to offer hope. I had a hysterectomy and oopherectomy at age 37, which basically meant I lost all my internal female parts. I thought I might not ever be the same again, but I was. It was slow, and it was scary, but eventually I felt comfortable with the loss, and I was grateful for the pain that went away, and I became myself again. Point being, I am not you and cannot compare my experience to yours. But I can offer hope to you and ask that you, who writes so eloquently, might stop and consider that you can face this head on, you can do what you need to do to eradicate the VIN, and you can maintain your womanhood and female qualities and appeal and have love once again. When we are ill, we see things in black and white, at least I do. I cannot see the grey areas, which is generally where we will land. I make broad proclamations of my future, which rarely, if ever come true. You are doing the same thing. I am not discounting your pain, your situation, or your illness. But you need to rally yourself up to a point that will help you approach your challenges with some determination, tons of confidence, and mostly you need to feel that you have CONTROL over your life. That is what I sense is missing, and you need to find ways to make that feeling lessen. You may not be as independent as you once were, but you still control what you do and what you don't do and how you approach your life. Think about it. Loss of control equals weak and pitiful. Control of your life (even if it's significantly less than you once knew) equals instant confidence, more rational thinking, and better choices. You need to do whatever it takes to find a way to control that which you can control. I read your blog, you are defeated. Stop and recapture the confidence of the young woman who saw the bright future and had the crazy experiences and knew the love. That will happen again, but you gotta get there. I also would hope you consider antidepressants as they are not the enemy. Something has to break your pattern, and you are clearly depressed. That is not a judgement, please believe me. It is just very evident that you are so deep in the bowels of depression that you can't even see it. So please consider this if you are not doing something to help get you out of the black hole. You will be loved again. And, as far as your ex, let him go. I know loneliness, trust me I do. But no one, especially you, should have that rape (that's what it is) attached to your last experience with love. He needs to go, and until you let him go, you will be caught up in the fantasy of him and not have an opening for new possibilities. Do not tell me that a man who treated you as you described is worthy of any more thought. Forget him, he is poison to you. I wish you well, I sense things will turn for you, but you have to make a mind shift here - you can't stay this low. You can do it and that's not a ra-ra cheerleader phrase, it's the truth. I googled it too and it appears that the worst surgery would be if you were stage 3 or 4 cancer. Is this the case for you? The early stages appear to just involve removal of the affefcted area. That does not mean end of being a female and I wish you did not feel that way. Even if it’s advanced, there is still hope of limiting the amount of area removed to get your illness under control. I am not certain of your situation, but I do want to offer hope. I had a hysterectomy and oopherectomy at age 37, which basically meant I lost all my internal female parts. I thought I might not ever be the same again, but I was. It was slow, and it was scary, but eventually I felt comfortable with the loss, and I was grateful for the pain that went away, and I became myself again.

Point being, I am not you and cannot compare my experience to yours. But I can offer hope to you and ask that you, who writes so eloquently, might stop and consider that you can face this head on, you can do what you need to do to eradicate the VIN, and you can maintain your womanhood and female qualities and appeal and have love once again.

When we are ill, we see things in black and white, at least I do. I cannot see the grey areas, which is generally where we will land. I make broad proclamations of my future, which rarely, if ever come true. You are doing the same thing. I am not discounting your pain, your situation, or your illness. But you need to rally yourself up to a point that will help you approach your challenges with some determination, tons of confidence, and mostly you need to feel that you have CONTROL over your life. That is what I sense is missing, and you need to find ways to make that feeling lessen. You may not be as independent as you once were, but you still control what you do and what you don’t do and how you approach your life. Think about it. Loss of control equals weak and pitiful. Control of your life (even if it’s significantly less than you once knew) equals instant confidence, more rational thinking, and better choices.

You need to do whatever it takes to find a way to control that which you can control. I read your blog, you are defeated. Stop and recapture the confidence of the young woman who saw the bright future and had the crazy experiences and knew the love. That will happen again, but you gotta get there. I also would hope you consider antidepressants as they are not the enemy. Something has to break your pattern, and you are clearly depressed. That is not a judgement, please believe me. It is just very evident that you are so deep in the bowels of depression that you can’t even see it. So please consider this if you are not doing something to help get you out of the black hole.

You will be loved again. And, as far as your ex, let him go. I know loneliness, trust me I do. But no one, especially you, should have that rape (that’s what it is) attached to your last experience with love. He needs to go, and until you let him go, you will be caught up in the fantasy of him and not have an opening for new possibilities. Do not tell me that a man who treated you as you described is worthy of any more thought. Forget him, he is poison to you.

I wish you well, I sense things will turn for you, but you have to make a mind shift here – you can’t stay this low. You can do it and that’s not a ra-ra cheerleader phrase, it’s the truth.

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