Posted in Journal, Life, Love, cats, the medical profession, tagged aloneness, cancer, cats, debate, Googling, gynecologist, mutilation, poverty, precancerous, Reclast, rheumatologist, sedation, sexuality, suicidal thoughts, VIN, vulva on 28 February, 2008 | 1 Comment »
27 February 2008
What is precancerous? How can they tell something is pre cancerous? Isn’t it either cancerous or not?
Yesterday, I stood in the cold, snow falling, having stumbled off the bus to the news from my cell phone that indeed, I have a “precancerous condition”. That’s what the doctor said. “What [...]
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22 February 2008
The snow does not seem to want to stop. Each day, more piles up. The streets outside are blessedly silent. And after the storm, I take a breath.
It isn’t that I didn’t have things to do today. But quietly, slowly, I made a couple of calls, paid a bill [...]
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Posted in Journal, Life, divorce, the medical profession, tagged 12-steppers, anxiety, Ativan, bad bus drivers, biopsy, bipolar, brain chemistry, cancer, dentists, disabilities, divorce, fear, loss of friends, medical profession, medicines, neighbors, Prozac, survival, teeth, Vicoprofen, vulva on 22 February, 2008 | 3 Comments »
21 February 2008
I cannot even begin to explain the horror, the anguish, the pain and frustration I have gone through the past few days. I sometimes feel that I just do not belong on this earth, because this world is too mean, too cruel, too petty for a sensitive like me to be close [...]
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Posted in Journal, Life, cats, divorce, the medical profession, tagged Beltane, Camelot, cats, COPD, Excalibur, John Boormann, King Arthur, litter boxes, Marion Zimmer Bradley, Naproxen, personal power, re-connecting with self, Stevie Nicks, The Mists of Avalon, Wicca on 22 February, 2008 | No Comments »
8 February 2008
Oh, it’s still bad, of course. There are times I just burst into tears for no apparent reason. The HMO is giving me the runaround. I’ve been waiting since Tuesday to get my medication for my thrush (a nasty side effect of taking the inhalers for my COPD), I am [...]
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Posted in Life, cats, the medical profession, tagged Ativan, bad bus drivers, doctors, Dr. Nick, drug-seeking behavior, Heath Ledger, Hydrocodone, medications, Naproxen, Nystatin, Prozac, Social Security on 21 February, 2008 | No Comments »
6 February 2008
Not that I’m not already there, of course. It just seems the flames keep getting hotter.
Alone is hard. Alone is afraid. Alone is empty. Alone is alone.
And I am very alone.
But I have to do what I have to do to survive. Or at least make a half-hearted [...]
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28 January 2008
The process has begun.
We talked Saturday, and he managed to be reasonable up to a point before going off on me yet again. This is the way it always works. Well, that is not entirely true. Actually, it is rare that he can sit down and be a reasonable adult for [...]
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Posted in Journal, Life, Love, tagged abuse, alcoholism, Colin Powell, divorce, English language, Happy Fairy, illness, mental illness, word misuse on 4 February, 2008 | No Comments »
January 23, 2008
It is getting worse again. R. is arguing, baiting, yelling, accusing, demeaning, demanding, and generally pouring out a fount of negativity in my direction. I wonder how much longer I can take this ocean of emotional negativity.
I’m not using the word “abuse”. Make no mistake; it is abuse. But [...]
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24 January 2008
There are times I think I cannot take any more of this, this being the verbiage hurled at me by my emotional wreck of a husband. But silence does not seem to make me feel better: yesterday, he did not speak to me at all, leaving in silence, and, by the [...]
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Posted in Journal, Life, Love, cats, tagged cabs, cats, grocery store, pet food, pharmacy, Social Security on 4 February, 2008 | No Comments »
19 January 2008
Sometimes, I feel defeated. I feel too weary to fight, and feel much too sorry for myself, ending up blubbering like an idiot, a middle-aged woman acting like a child, tears flowing down my face unchecked and unbounded. And it sometimes only takes a bad day to find me at this [...]
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16 January 2008
So. As usual I procrastinate. I sometimes suspect that procrastination is the basis of my screwing up in life.
So we have decided on divorce. And although I believe it is the right thing to do, I have a rainbow of emotions running around my heart.
I cried to my mother-in-law the [...]
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